Joker's Lunch Break
by Green Gallant
Summary: A group of protestors learn the hard way not to come between the Joker and his lunch.


_Author's Note: Earlier today I was reading about how PETA is now marketing cut-outs of a knife wielding Ronald McDonald to kids outside of restaraunts along with something they call 'Unhappy Meals' as a way of informing/scaring the hell out of kids in an attempt to convince little kids that Ronald and the company he works for are evil and torture thier animals before killing them. -rolls eyes- What these idiots wont resort to. And yet intrestringly enough this actually provided me with an idea for this story. As you can tell I'm not very fond of the organization (as a whole) and wondered what would happen if someone decided openly defy them. And who better than the Clown Prince of Crime? Dont worry this has a...somewhat happy ending. Enjoy. _

_**Joker's Lunch Break**_

High noon in Gotham City as a group of protesters representing PETA stood outside an area KFC attempting to block people's entrance into the restaurant. As cars were forced to go around to block to use the back exit or take their business elsewhere, the opposition stood strong with their picketing infront of the establishment until a large purple Rolls Royce looked to pull in. the picketers held their ground as the car honked its horn. Nevertheless the pickets refused to move, the car continued to edge in forcing those closest to the vehicle back and with one final push brushed several of them back breaking the chain. Infuriated with this the picketers swarmed the car demanding to know who had the gull to nearly run them over when suddenly the rear window rolled down and several members gasped. In the back seat sat a man with pasty white skin and ruby red lips. A smirk formed on his face as the door slowly opened and the man stepped out. Clad in a purple business suit with an orange dress shirt underneath and a blue tie, with a wide brimmed violet hat covering his visage. The people step back in horror as he rose out of the car and stood looking back at the picketers and smiled at them.

"Care if I get a bite?" he asked.

The picketers merely step back allowing him access to the front entrance. The Joker grinned and shoved his hands in his pockets as he made his way in, while the car did likewise and pulled into the handicapped parking space directly between the doors. The driver Harley Quinn slammed the door and joined her boyfriend inside with a sign reading _Handicapped Parking $500 Fine_. Inside the Joker made his way through the lobby as patrons look on in shock and hushed whispers filled the room as they walked up to the counter. Those already waiting in line made a break for the nearest exit while others simply stepped back giving him all the room he needs. The cashier a young teenage boy nervously awaited his order.

"C-can I take o-order s-sir?" he asked timidly.

The Joker slammed down a $20 bill on the counter and put his full weight against it.

"The buffet my good man and make it snappy!" he yelled.

The cashier dove for the plates and fumbled with them a bit before getting him and Harley everything they needed and sat it out on a tray before them.

"W-w-will that be all sir?" he asked.

"Yes I think that'll do just fine." he said casually.

The cashier nervously took the bill out from under Joker's hand and put it in the drawer giving him his change.

"Ta!" Joker waved and went on down to get his lunch. Harley did the same as she followed him. The cashier sighed and fainted afterwards.

After piling up a mass of food the Joker made his way to the common area and sat down at a small two-person table and was about to be joined by Harley Quinn. As Joker sat down to enjoy his meal the Clown Prince of Crime licked his lips and wiggled his fingers about ready to dig in when he caught sight of the protestors still outside who were now looking inside at the Joker. This gave him a dastardly idea, picking up his food and setting it on another table the Ace of Naives picked up the table he was sitting at and smashed the window scaring everyone in the joint and proceeded to throw his chair out before climbing out the window himself. Outside the Joker sat up the table and chair infront of the protesters who could only guess what it was he about to do. Handing him his plate of food the Queen Jester then climbed out carrying her own plate of food and a chair. The people look on in horror as Joker started to consume his chicken breast infront of the protesters loudly gobbling his food.

"So tell me something, ulp. Does this bother you?" he smiled with bits of food in his teeth.

Several of the protesters stood back in horror as one of them wretched behind the line. The Joker continued with his meal as he gobbled down some mashed potatoes and tore into his potato strips before drizzling gravy on his fried chicken and consuming it once more. Several of the protesters started to get sick though not in the same way as their comrade did before them and couldn't stand to watch the carnage; while at the same time Harley Quinn was eating like a civilized person. The Joker continued to munch loudly on his food and occasionally showing them what was in his mouth before guzzling down his large drink. Several of the demonstrators started to retreat from the picket line finding they could no longer stand the barbaric Joker's presence. All the while the Harlequin of Hate continued to enjoy his meal. Several more demonstrators left with nary a sign left standing. From the corner of his eye the Joker smirked and tossed a chicken bone towards the demonstrators who jumped like it was a rat in their midst. Several more signs clattered to the pavement. The Joker finished up his meal standing up and gently dapped his mouth with a napkin and let out a sigh that his stomach was full.

"Ready to go Harls?" he asked.

"You bet pud'in." she said standing up.

Throwing their stuff in the trash the Joker picked up the table and tossed it across the lawn before throwing the chairs back through the window.

"Thought I'd save you the trouble. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" he laughed and threw in the table as well.

"Let's go Harl." He said as he made his way over to the car.

"You-you-you you monster!" a woman yelled. The Joker stopped dead in his tracks with his back turned to her.

"If you had any idea what sort of nightmare those chickens went through just so you can enjoy your meal!" she spat.

"My lady do you know what kind of person I am? To me most folks equate to the life of a chicken. Now how do you think I'm going to respond to a comment like that?" he said as he turned around and faced the bespectacled woman. The Clown Prince of Crime made his way over to her, his mood completely changed.

Several of the protesters ran as he produced a gun from his inner suit pocket and walked towards her. The woman stepped back in fear as he approached her.

"I don't take kindly to insults and those that do insult me don't live very long. And you my dear are one very dead duck." He said as he cocked the gun.

By then the remaining picketers had already abandoned the woman while customers inside watch in horror some already dialing 911 on their cells. The Joker took two more steps and pointed the gun at the girl's face. The demonstrator gulped as she stared down the barrel of the pistol knowing that this was it.

"If-if I have to die for my belief t-then so be it. Do what you must." She said resolutely.

The Joker grinned as he clinched his right eye shut and prepared to do the deed, his classic grin lit up as he pulled the trigger. In the next second the girl was doused with water. She sputtered and coughed in disbelief. The Joker hit his chest and laughed heartily at the girl's misfortune as a wave of relief came over everyone.

"I'm just joshing you, but seriously don't get in my way at lunch again." he told her in a good-humored tone.

"Let's go Harley." He said as he turned to leave.

The girl continued to cough as water dripped off her glasses. The Joker got in his car and took off through the back exit as several people came to the woman's aid to make sure she was all right.

"So why'd you decide to spare her pud'in?" Harley asked.

"Oh who knows? I was just in the mood to scare the pants off someone." He said as he reclined sideways in his seat.

_AN: And the moral of this story? Dont stand between Joker and his next meal. As you can see I didnt have him torture the poor protesters too much. Really I've got nothing against people that support PETA themselves its just the redicilious lengths the organization will go too and ultimately make jackasses out of themselves in the process. I'm not saying its without merit, its just these guys really do push the envelope and make themselves look like the villain. The story is not propeganda nor is there any politics involved in it, I tend to avoid those issues as much as possible but really it was just having a laugh at their expense as I'm sure the Joker would. The inspiration for this also comes from an issue of Impulse where Joker is demanding a Happy Meal at Mickey D's. So really I hope you dont judge too harshly or think I myself went overboard in the delivery of this. It is all in good fun after all. Just my side of the story before you decide to rip into it. This is also based on an incident where a group stood protesting infront of a KFC I usually eat at in Terre Haute. So that's where that came from in case your wondering. Maybe next time I'll have Joker go out for a Happy Meal. _XD

_Please review, _

_Green Gallant. _


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